I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
