the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Semen is not good for contacts.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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