I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
