i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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