I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
