I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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