I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
