last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
