Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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