dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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