im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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