I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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