So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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