I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize