He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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