I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
