I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
