hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
