it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
