My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
