i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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