She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
