Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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