omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
