Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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