My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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