I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
