After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
