when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
