These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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