I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate all girls vehemently.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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