Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
