My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
