3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
