all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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