Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
