i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize