Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
