mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
