matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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