I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize