you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize