I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have fence marks all over my body
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
