Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
