she smelled like a LAN party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
