I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
