I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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