Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize