I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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