Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
