hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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