how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
