Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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