i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They have beer where we have blood.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
