fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
