areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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