in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize