im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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