so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
