so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
