Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize