The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
