you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
