Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
