morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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