Someone shit on the floor
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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