You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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