Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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