But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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