Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
