she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
3 2 1 whiskey
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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