my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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