At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
