dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
