you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
