I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
