I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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