guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
