so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
