i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
