Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
