It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
