Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize