Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
