I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
