I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my poor anus
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