why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
