I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
