how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
