Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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