Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
