yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
