She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
PANTIES FOUND
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