i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
