You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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