even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
