Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
