I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
