Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize