Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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